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| Photo by thought catalog on unsplash |
Disturbed
There has been a disturbance in my mind,
And I don't know how to fix it.
Matter of fact, there is a disturbance in my mind
Right now.
It won't go away.
Voices speak to me in yes or no kind of questions.
School starts and then they go away,
Only to come back when I'm alone again.
With no friends around, because the mind is...
Disturbed.
Depression
It eats you alive.
I've got it,
Some people in my family got it,
My best friend got it.
It's everywhere.
We or society causes it,
We're horrible.
Do we really love ourselves?
Collarbones
Feeling my... collarbones
To remind me that I'm still
Skinny.
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| Image by janif93 from Pixabay |
Jutting
The hurt will never go away,
At least that's what it feels like.
Not until she actually thinks she looks presentable.
She doesn't know what's wrong,
She just wants people to look at her and call her pretty for once.
But that just makes it worse.
She just wants to leave and not come back.
Gone like the pills down her throat,
Being swallowed and digested into nothingness,
Putting her into a deep sleep.
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Cold Ice
You said that word to me again,
Told me that my face was fat.
Fat. Words that came out cold.
I used that bronzer,
To bring out my cheekbones,
It failed.
My cheeks stayed still,
Like ice, it's frozen.
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| photo by Dewang Gupta on unsplash |
Alone
I hate being alone.
I come home from school,
The house is empty,
And now I'm all alone.
So I take off all my clothes,
Lay down on my soft bed.
Then I sadly welcome the black hole
In the middle of my chest...
What I See
I thought I saw a double chin.
Well I do have one, but I also saw a butt chin.
You know what I'm talking about, those ugly kind of chins.
Lose the weight quickly,
Lose until I can feel all of my bones.
Gloss
Why can't I keep my mouth shut at the moments when I should?
My chest hurts & I'm heaving.
I'm so annoyed.
Others know how to be silent.
But how do I do it?
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| Image by janif93 from Pixabay |
Clase
Someone asked me if I wanted to die.
I was scared to tell the truth.
So I said no.
But in my head I said yes.
Later
I got prayer from my church the other day,
Felt slightly good for about a week,
Then the thoughts started again.
Thigh Gap
I told my brother,
I was fat.
He denied it,
Said I was skinny enough, said my thighs were fine.
I didn't believe it.
Thighs that move when I... walk.
As I look in the mirror,
It tells me what is on the wall.
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| Photo by Sharon Mccutcheon on unsplash |
Wrong
This is not true love
She didn't deserve this
She let people use her
Put alcohol above all
Used drugs as a sexual escape
That fake love created hate
Her Forest
You beautiful people with high cheek bones.
You want to be them.
Thigh gap,
Jutting hipbones,
Collarbone,
Sharp jaw,
Skinny nose,
Thin face,
Thin... everywhere.
Hurting.
You start dieting,
You get skinnier until you start school.
Your goal plummets,
Then the cycle starts over again until you get a little lazy.
So now you're taking a break.
Not good enough, you've got to be skinnier.
Your body is fat,
You need to try harder.
G I R L
Sometimes I'm just tired of the bullshit you cause...
The loneliness, yet you're still here.
DON'T YOU KNOW?
How much your words hurt me?
Just the other day
You said:
I'm ugly.
Did you ever notice,
That when you're told something so much,
You start to believe it.
That GIRL
You Hurt
Now thinks that
She's ugly since her
Family and friends keep calling her that.
Drunk Thoughts
To improve her image,
She stared into her liquor,
Then looked into her reflection,
And became disappointed.
She didn't lose any pounds,
She was bound
Hounded down by these heavy pounds.
Her reflection mocked her,
Her self-esteem blocked her,
The public teased her,
And still, she was not pleased.
As she looked in the mirror,
She thought: Could I get any bigger?
Her tears represented her fears
The fear of being fat again
Watch Me
You're like a clock
You time my every move
Suffocating my lungs
Blocking up my airways
My breath is your breath
It's never released until you see it
And it never ends because,
I know you'll keep watching me.
Aspirin
50 pills of aspirin are in that bottle.
That bottle which will
Give you the floaty feeling.
Falling into a deep slumber.
You don't want to wake up.
You can jump since you don't care right now.
You thought:
Who the hell would really care if I died?
Would they care if I never woke up?
I know I wouldn't care
Since I don't fear death-since I
Apparently already let myself go
Gaslight
She said I love you
But that was only once
She never said it to me again
And so I never experienced love again
I didn't know what it was anymore
Her love became invisible at all angles
She needed to hurt me to show how much she cared
Her love became something to keep me in line
She began to control me
The light dulled continually in my eyes
Tension crawled all over my body
The bags under my eyes got deeper
They turned darker as my eyes swelled up
Eyes that couldn't open since she kept me black and blue
Saying I would never change
Telling me that I'm no good
Saying I'll never be like you
But truth be told,
I never wanted to be you
In fact, I want nothing to do with you.
Love is not abuse
